Thoughts about 21 and 22
Kinda a weird title, I know. Still figuring out this whole title thing. In less than 10 day I will be celebrating my 22nd birthday.
Which got me to thinking, ( I know it’s a thing, I kinda have too much time to think these days) about the last year, and the coming year. Last year didn’t go like I thought it would, to be honest I was dreading my birthday. My family was excited but every time I thought about 21 I nearly cried. (And the year before was kinda a mess too) I lost 2 dogs and my horse all in about 7 months.
Both Gypsy and Scout gave me opportunities to learn, and changed parts of who I am today. But Harley, I didn’t remember a birthday without her. She came home the week of my 4th birthday and I didn’t spend a birthday between 4 and 20 without her by my side. My birthday was a reminder that time didn’t stop because they were gone, I’m still here. But things still felt wrong.
I survived 21. And now looking into 22, my tendency is to plan. What do I want to have in my life by 23? But I’m not sure that I want to do that this year. I love to plan, don’t get me wrong. I really do, but I’m tired of planning and life happening and then feeling like a failure when my plans didn’t happen.
I didn’t plan on buying a puppy while on vacation last year, I didn’t plan on buying a 1987 Ford Bronco last year. But I did. And i’m happy I did. Essie is one of the best things, she puts a smile on my face every day. (and makes me yell) I’m excited to learn to work on my bronco and upgrade it, hear the engine run, and the memories we’re sure to make along the way, rebuilding it. I’m not looking forward to the money i’m going to have to pay to fill up the gas tank.
But my point is, I’m not mad that I made those choices. That’s not to say just go with the flow, and don’t plan anything. I want to live an intentional life. But i’m tired of trying to be the Type A ridged, life planned out until I’m 30 person.
Because I really thought by now, I’d have a thriving photography, business, married. Living in our own tiny house, possibly on our own land. Have my dream body. Dream Family, Dream Job. I’d have a lot more accomplished. But that’s not what happened. And I don’t know that i’m mad about that anymore.
Some days, yeah, I’m still mad. But most days I’m not. Because I wouldn’t still live with my family, I wouldn’t still share a room with my sister. I wouldn’t get this time with my parents. I would be too busy building “my own life”
What I’ve been thinking about lately is how we build the foundation of our lives. Most the time when you think about this, We think we do this when we’re younger, elementary or high school.
Let me try and explain, have you ever helped build something, or had to build something yourself, a building? Even a small one? I grew up around homesteaders and rednecks. I am one at heart. But when you build a building, before you can start to pour the foundation, you have to build a framework for the foundation and choose to level the ground, build on solid rock or sand. And that’s what is actually happening when we’re younger. Our parents, teachers, mentors and pastors are building the framework before we start to pour the concrete as young adults. It is going to depend on if we decided to move, trust or ignore those frameworks as to how our foundation will work.
Right now I am working on building the foundation, pouring the concrete. Creating the habits that will be the basis of my life, my health, my marriage, friendships, relationships, and my family.
So I want to be more intentional about the concrete i’m pouring. What about you? what kind of foundation are you pouring?